Memorial Donations in 2026: How ‘In Lieu of Flowers’ Works, Etiquette, and Tax Rules

Memorial donation envelope and sympathy card marking in lieu of flowers

More obituaries every year replace a florist’s address with a charity’s: “In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to…” The memorial donation has become the default second-gift of American funerals, but the etiquette around it trips up mourners and families alike. Can you still send flowers? How much should you give? How does the family even find out you donated? And on the family’s side, how do you name a charity, handle the checks, and what happens at tax time? This guide answers all of it: what the phrase actually requests, current etiquette for mourners, the mechanics charities use to notify families, funeral-fundraising alternatives, and the 2026 tax rules for charitable deductions.

What “In Lieu of Flowers” Actually Means

The phrase is a request, not a command. When an obituary says “in lieu of flowers, please donate to X,” the family is telling you which single expression of sympathy they prefer: a gift to a cause that mattered to the person who died. Etiquette authorities, including the Emily Post Institute, are explicit on the two questions that follow. First, mourners who wish to send flowers anyway may do so; the family chose their preferred expression, not an absolute prohibition. Second, when you donate, give at least roughly what you would have spent on an arrangement, typically $50 to $150 for a funeral acquaintance, more for a close relationship.

• The request: donations to a named charity replace flowers as the family’s preferred tribute
• Flowers anyway: permitted; some mourners send both, especially close friends and family
• Amount: a reasonable benchmark is the cost of the arrangement you would have sent
• No charity named? Donating to a cause tied to the deceased, their disease research, their profession, their alma mater, is always appropriate

The charity itself usually has personal significance: hospice care that treated the person, cancer research tied to their illness, a scholarship fund at their school, or a service organization they belonged to. When a family cannot choose, some funeral directors suggest a community foundation or place of worship, and some obituaries simply name several options.

How to Donate: Mechanics, Notification, and the Card

The most common etiquette failure is donating in a way the family never learns about. Charities vary widely in how they notify next of kin, so the donor controls the outcome by how they give. Checks and online forms almost always include a field like “in memory of” or “acknowledgement contact”; filling it in is what triggers the family notification. The Emily Post guidance is precise: include a note saying whom the gift memorializes, add it on the notation line of the check or the online form (“In memory of Rowan McGuire”), and include your address so the organization knows where to send the acknowledgement and can alert the family.

1. Give directly to the named charity by check, phone, or its official website; be alert for look-alike scam sites after high-profile deaths.
2. Fill in the memorial/tribute field with the deceased’s full name, exactly as the obituary shows it.
3. Include your name and address so the charity can acknowledge you and notify the family.
4. Mention the gift in your sympathy note if you want to be sure the family knows: “We’ve remembered Maria with a contribution to…”
5. Never send cash to the family in place of a donation, with rare group-collection exceptions.

Most charities acknowledge memorial gifts in one of two ways: an acknowledgement letter to you (the donor, for your records) and a separate notification card or letter to the family listing donors’ names, sometimes with amounts, sometimes without. If notification matters to you, confirm the charity will notify the family before or when you give; some small organizations only respond to donors and never contact the family unless the donor asks.

For the Family: Setting Up the Request

If you are writing the obituary, three decisions make the request work smoothly. Choose the charity and confirm it accepts memorial gifts (nearly all do) and can notify you; get the correct donation address or URL, and put it in the obituary exactly. Use the standard phrasing: “In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity], [address/URL].” Consider naming a memorial fund if none exists: many charities will establish a named fund for gifts above a threshold, or the family can direct gifts to a scholarship, a hospice unit, or a research program within the charity.

Handle the money that arrives carefully. Checks written to the family personally (a common mistake by older mourners) are personal gifts, not deductible by the giver and potentially taxable income questions aside, best redirected: ask the writer for permission to endorse and forward the check to the charity, or deposit and donate an equivalent amount. Gifts routed properly to the charity come with receipts the family may need at tax time, and the executor should track memorial gifts separately from the estate: donations made directly to a charity in memory of the decedent generally belong to the charity, not the estate.

Memorial Donations vs. Funeral Crowdfunding

A memorial donation is tax-deductible when given to a qualified 501(c)(3) charity. Funeral crowdfunding is neither: it is a personal gift to the family, with no deduction and no charity in the middle. The two now coexist in most funerals, and families increasingly use both, a crowdfunding page to cover costs and a charity request for the wider circle. Mourners choose based on relationship and means, and no etiquette rule ranks them; a modest charity gift and a small funeral-fund contribution together are entirely normal.

The 2026 Tax Rules for Memorial Donations

For donors, a memorial gift to a qualified charity is deductible only if you itemize deductions on Schedule A; after the 2017 tax law doubled the standard deduction, a minority of taxpayers itemize, so many memorial gifts produce no tax benefit, which is worth knowing but should never drive the decision. Deductible gifts must go to qualified organizations, gifts to individuals, including funeral crowdfunding, never qualify. If you donate $250 or more in a single gift, the charity must give you a contemporaneous written acknowledgement (a receipt or letter stating no goods or services were received) for the deduction to count.

For the family and the estate, memorial gifts directed to charity generally do not flow through the decedent’s final income tax return; they are gifts to the charity from the donors. Where an estate itself makes charitable bequests under a will, the estate tax charitable deduction applies, a different mechanism best handled with the estate’s accountant.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does “in lieu of flowers” mean in an obituary?

It means the family prefers donations to a named charity instead of funeral flowers. It is a request, not a ban: mourners may still send flowers if they wish, but the donation is the family’s stated preference.

How much should I give for a memorial donation?

A common benchmark is what you would have spent on flowers, roughly $50 to $150 for most mourners, more for close relationships. Any amount is appropriate; notification matters more than size.

How does the family know I made a memorial donation?

Fill in the charity’s memorial/tribute field with the deceased’s name and include your address; the charity then sends the family a notification, sometimes listing donors. Mentioning the gift in your sympathy card guarantees they know.

Are memorial donations tax-deductible?

Gifts to qualified 501(c)(3) charities are deductible if you itemize deductions and receive the required acknowledgement for gifts of $250 or more. Gifts to individuals or crowdfunding pages are never deductible.

What if someone writes a memorial check to the family instead of the charity?

Ask the giver’s permission to redirect it, then either forward the check to the charity or donate an equivalent amount. Checks to the family are personal gifts without the tax benefit.

Can a life insurance beneficiary also receive memorial donations?

Yes, and they serve different purposes: insurance pays the family directly and funds funeral costs, while memorial donations go to charity in the deceased’s name. Many families do both.

The Gift That Costs Nothing to Plan: Coverage

Memorial donations help a charity; they do not pay the funeral bill. That is the family’s burden unless someone planned ahead. A final expense or burial insurance policy converts an $8,000 problem into a claim check, letting friends honor the memory with donations instead of mortgages on their sympathy. Compare free quotes from top-rated carriers today.

Related Reading

• Memorial Tree Cost: Planting a Living Memorial
• Who Pays for the Funeral When Someone Dies?
• Funeral Visitation: What to Expect
• Average Funeral Cost in 2026
• Charitable Lead Trusts Explained

Related Resources

• IRS: Charities and Non-Profits
• IRS: Tax Exempt Organization Search
• Emily Post Institute: Funeral Etiquette, Donations In Lieu of Flowers